Ok so the workload is very very heavy and Im obviously overloaded but I couldnt care less.Work makes me focus without getting distracted by other unhappy things,maybe except my darling Javier.I have very good colleagues and we always joke like mad.It seriously relieves the stress that everyone is facing.BUT most of the time Im so busy till I dun even have time to sneak a peek at my Hp to look at his pics.So Sad.


I am not sure its the stress or the hurt that is making me having difficulties sleeping at night.I only sleep an average of 4 hours a day.Just this week I spent 2 of my working days sleeping for just 2 hours.And then I head for work the next day.Surprisingly,I wun feel sleepy while working.Instead,I feel more energetic.I think I am weird.Haha!


I can even dream of working.And then I get woken up by his sleep-talking.I can feel Javier when he moved and will wake up to check on him.I turned into a super super light sleeper.Totally not healthy I know.


When I reach home from work,Javier has already slept.Sometimes I feel that I might as well work longer.So that I can earn more OT and at the same time,forget about those unhappy thoughts.Maybe he is not good with words but I do not think it is an excuse.Talking it out so many times with him and he always end up the same way.Why why why?Is he really so selfish?I dun really think so.But I think he changed alot.I dont feel that he's an irresponsible husband/father just like his sister but he always proved me wrong.Time and again.Whats the point of apologising if you will do it again?I dun bother now and just let you do what you wanna do as Im so tired already.So tired of feeling sad and hurt that I cant be bothered anymore.But it doesnt mean that I dont love you anymore.Javier is our son but why are you so jealous?Maybe you knocked your head somewhere and got some screws loose in your head.Haha!



Maybe by working I can forget such thoughts.I really hope that I work till I fall one day.So maybe AT LAST you will know and understand the stress that Im facing since Javier was born.The stress for being a prisoner at home,the stress at work,the stress that you're adding on to me,the stress from your family,the stress to make sure that Javier is fine and healthy,is finally making the once-strong Evelyn crumble and collapse 1 day.


Or maybe by the time when you finally understand,everything will be too late.

Just too late...to regret.....